Interestingly, this question does not arise with the traditional orientation. The vast majority accept it as something quite natural and do not think of resisting the very fact that their sexual orientation is heterosexual.
But in case homosexuality arises even as a perspective, at least in the form of doubts about the direction of one's attraction - a person has many problems.
First of all, it is the fear of not being like everyone else, the fear of condemnation, rejection by relatives and friends, the fear of social isolation, persecution in society, the fear of not starting a family and not being able to raise children.
And it was with this request that adults came to me more than once: “ don't want to be gay!», « how to change orientation"? If you are already aware of your homosexuality or pronounced bisexuality - then this is unlikely.
If for some reason you could not contact the psychologist online, then leave your message (as soon as the first free consultant appears on the line, you will be contacted immediately at the specified e-mail), or on .
Is it possible to help a person with a tendency to homosexuality who wants to enter the Church? How to explain that this attraction is sinful? And is there a place for these people in the Church at all? A former Protestant pastor who converted to Orthodoxy, Steve Robinson, writes about the Western experience in his article. He has conducted several interviews with his parishioners who are struggling with this sin. Archpriest Alexy Uminsky talks about whether priests in Russia face this problem.
Steve Robinson: The Church and Homosexuality
My sin is not my essence
Becky. She became a believing Christian again just a few months ago, after a youth gathering that had a strong influence on her. She sat in my kitchen and, barely restraining her emotions, talked about her past. Gay bars, her girlfriend, her last relationship, which she ended. Now, as Lot's wife, she wanted to reclaim the past with great desire, because she did not find emotional satisfaction and support in church society.
Floor. Everyone admired him, the leader of the fraternity, the seminarian. He was found with another guy in a dorm room. He told about everything, as the administration of the educational institution met with him to decide what to do with him. He felt that everything was over and he intended to commit suicide.
William. Was the leader of the youth group. He was found in bed with another young man in a secluded area. As an associate youth pastor, I led a meeting with parents and their children to discuss this event.
Joe. I hired him as a drywall fitter and we quickly became close friends. He began to confide in me and told me about his terrible past: sexual abuse in his foster family, life in Hollywood and prostitution for drug money. I ended up baptizing him in my former Protestant church. Three years later, he died of an overdose.
Steve Robinson
Here are some stories of homosexuals I have spoken to over the past 35 years, first as a Protestant and now as an Orthodox Christian. The spirit of the Orthodox Church has encouraged me to think about homosexuality all these years. This article is based on the experience of these people. Several new converts to Orthodoxy agreed to anonymously take part in an interview about their struggles with same-sex attraction (SSA), as part of my research into how Orthodoxy actually affected the lives of people with SSA.
When I met Joe, the first thing he said was, "I hate Jesus Christ and I hate Christians." After I learned what he had to endure in the family of a priest who adopted him, I could not condemn him.
After he became a Christian, he wrestled in Christ with his personality. He said that it was hard for him from the Christian attitude, because if you sleep with different people of the opposite sex, then you are simply sinful, but if you have oral sex with one man, then you are a homo forever. He never got rid of this stigma, even in Christ, and I think he died with the knowledge that he was a "faggot".
What do we call people who are attracted to people of the same sex? How we call ourselves, or anyone else, can speak of a human being in a way that negates basic Christian dogma about our individuality. In our interview, Carol succinctly formulated the Orthodox position: "My sin is not my essence."
The Christian faith teaches us that we are all created in the image and likeness of God. The Church Fathers teach that an image can be damaged, distorted, hidden, but it can never be lost. Anyone in the world can claim that sin is like a label or badge for a person, but Christians do not identify themselves with their own, they are precisely CHRISTIANS: with the image of Christ. We either bear the name of Christ or we bear the name of our sins.
The Apostle Paul says:
“neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor malakia, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous men, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor predators, shall inherit the Kingdom of God. And so were some of you; but washed, but sanctified, but justified by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, and by the Spirit of our God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-11).
When we enter the Church and begin to struggle with sin, we are no longer identified with our sin. This is so in relation to the sins of heterosexuals, and to the sins of homosexuals, to any sins. Who we are is determined by our relationship to Christ, not by what gender we are sexually attracted to. The Church only cares about who you become in Christ by cultivating the virtues, regardless of overwhelming sin.
Nearly everyone interviewed said that this attitude was one of the most comforting aspects of the Orthodox faith. Their struggle is against sin, not against their humanity.
Andrew said: "Being gay is not a 'struggle'. The struggle is to see yourself worthy of love and respect: from yourself, from other people and, especially, from the Church. And it's a struggle to decide how to live. My struggle stems from this: how to best express or not express my sexuality.” He said that such a "struggle" happens to everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation, and in this sense, being "gay" or "straight" makes no difference.
Many Orthodox Christians in America prefer to refer to this problem as same-sex attraction (SSA), which defines the problem as the temptation, not the person.
Origin of the S.S.A.
Joe was sexually abused by his stepparents, then by his adoptive mother, brothers, cousins, beaten by his adoptive father. Carol was abused from an early age, and then she was repeatedly raped, the first time at the age of 7. Father Gregory traveled a lot on business trips. He was raised by his mother, who allowed him to dress in women's clothing and collect Barbie dolls, which upset his father. Gregory's mother was raised by her father, who she discovered at 40 was homosexual, and her mother died of alcoholism. Her own failure in her family became clear after she realized that Gregory was "gay". Michael's family was a "normal" Christian family, but he knew there were a few gays in his family.
These are classic stories about how same-sex attraction formed. However, studies have shown that the way childhood was does not give an unambiguous prediction of SSA. Therefore, there are suggestions that SSA is a genetic predisposition or an irresistible feature.
All the respondents in my survey realized quite early on that they were attracted to their gender, but there was no unanimity in relation to the question “is it genetics or upbringing?”. Some believe that this is by nature, others think that this is upbringing, and others that it is both the first and second.
The Christian faith does not give us a definite answer in the dispute whether human vices can be from nature or they are only from education. Genetic disability is as much a feature of a fallen world as are the negative qualities we acquire through lack of education and love.
For the Christian, it is a fact that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…” (Rom. 3:23). What is the "glory of God"? It is a life of perfect love and fellowship with God and people.
But we don't live in perfect love; we are born in sin, vanity and corruption. We are conceived with fallen flesh and are born into a fallen world. We are affected by a set of fallen DNA from conception. When we leave the mother's womb, we are given into the hands of a corrupt person, then we are taken home to a place where corrupt people try to escape, at best, experiencing fear and awe of God, and at worst, not being afraid of Him. From our first attempts to interact with the world, we have been mistreated, neglected, corrupted, despite the fact that we did not choose it and often could not even realize it. The sins of the fathers are passed on to subsequent generations, not as a punishment, but as an inevitable consequence. We are all spoiled.
What does this mean in terms of SSA? We all grow up spoiled. We are growing, and inside of us there is a war that we did not choose, but that was given to us. We can't choose our parents. We don't choose what physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual traits we will have, and here we are born with a big nose, mathematical abilities, a tendency to heart disease or deformity. We often do not choose what we fight. Ultimately, we are trying to save the soul through our unique genetic traits, traits in our mentally and spiritually damaged society.
What do you want from me?
“What do you want from Me?” Jesus asked the blind Bartimaeus (Mark 10:51). It's a simple question: what do we want from a relationship? Joe has learned to equate sex with relationships or "contacts" with other people. Gregory is attracted to strong men. He knows, he makes up for in his soul that he does not have a father. Carol has been raped by men and she just says, “Is it weird that I feel better emotionally and physically with women?”
People with SSA are looking for the same thing that everyone wants so much: closeness, to be accepted for who you are, to love and be loved. It's not just about SSA sufferers. The loneliness and despair of rejected, ugly, shy, socially unadapted, sick people is as painful as the loneliness of a person who is attracted to the same sex.
The more introspective people I've talked to about SSA say it's not gender related; it is associated with emotional attachment, with a feeling of intimate connection with another person. I've heard the same thing from heterosexual people who have committed adultery in and out of marriage.
Strong feelings in a relationship are like hard drugs. Relationships often become passions, and people are willing to sacrifice everything for them. Along with feelings, an important aspect is that sex always pervades relationships. Why is sex often embedded in potentially intimate and godly friendships between people of either sex?
First, we must remember that sex in itself is not evil. Since it is a God-given, powerfully influencing and unifying act between two human beings, it is, on the one hand, not necessary for human unity and close relationships, and on the other hand, it is a "God-given right".
Our sexuality is as natural as the need for food and drink. It is unnatural to satisfy our carnal lusts to fill a spiritual void. In fact, people can descend in their sexual life to the level of animal passions, when a person becomes nothing more than a sexual object. Fasting teaches us not to be slaves to our womb. Abstinence teaches us not to be slaves to our lusts, no matter what our culture dictates.
The obsession with sex is a sign of our culture's existential decline, isolation and desperation. We choose pleasure over joy, emotions over intimacy, feelings over love, cohabitation over marriage. Huge misconception. As Woody Allen joked, “sex without love is an empty activity, but if you choose from empty activities, this is one of the best.”
When a sin-damaged person finds himself incapable of godly intimacy and joy with another person, he often resorts to sexual pleasures, at best with another, at worst at the expense of another. As a former therapist, I usually talk about destructive relationships like this: "Bad breath is better than no breath at all." For the Christian, the problem is that we replace in our personality the image of God (and God is Love) with a biological entity, characterized by having an orgasm in order to feel good.
"They replaced the truth of God with a lie, and worshiped and served the creature instead of the Creator." (Rom 1:25).
To change or not to change?
When I asked if homosexuals could change, all but one said no. And the one who did not deny it said: "I don't know, God knows." This was not the answer I was expecting.
All of these people said they had problems with how same-sex attraction fit into their former traditions, whether it was "God made you this way, so it's okay, just live with it" or "all fagots are going to hell", or "homosexuals must become heterosexuals". There was a complete rejection of their former traditions and modern Protestant approaches.
As for Christian organizations promoting "reorientation therapy", Michael said of them that the Protestant groups he was in "backfired. A “reorientation” was promised, but this never happened - not even close, which led only to a general sense of hopelessness. He said that, in the end, the leader of the group, "handsome gourmet", ran away with someone from this group, and now they live in an open gay relationship.
The same danger was noted by Carol about "support groups." Andrew vehemently declared, “These organizations are dangerous... Anyone who sends their children there should be ashamed, including the churches. For this you need a stone on your neck and on the bottom of the sea.
Someone might think that the understanding that it is impossible to change is a sign of hopelessness and you need to come to terms with it. However, everyone I talked to was encouraged and hopeful because we were starting to fight what we really need to fight: sin, not ourselves.
Joseph said: “Orthodoxy is fundamental. While old ways of behaving go away, new ones come into the norm. But then you face the same temptation face to face, and the struggle again seems no easier than the one that was.
George is 80 and hasn't been in a relationship for over 50 years. He still does not leave the thoughts and desires that attack him. Andrew remembered the words that said, "Expect temptations until your last breath." As with all sins, constant vigilance is needed in order not to fall.
The beauty of virginity
One day I was talking to a young man about SSA and the Orthodox view of celibacy and virginity. He said: "What you are saying means that if I become Orthodox, then I am doomed to celibacy." Of course, the answer is yes. But this is not such a bitter pill, if we understand the nature of this remedy.
First, love does NOT require sex. This is godly: sex and sexuality are not the basis for relationships. There is something higher than mutual orgasm that brings people together. Sex can complement and enhance a relationship with a special person, but it is not ESSENTIAL in any relationship.
Ultimately, our identity is tied to who we are in godly union with a person of either gender. The joy of communion with the Holy Trinity comes when we wrestle with sin in order to prefer to be in the hands of the Lord and not in the hands of another human being, no matter how pleasant it seems to our deceived and unhealthy soul.
Secondly, "doomed" is too strong a word. It implies a life of torment and despair, as if in hell. As bold as it sounds, life without sex is not doom. People with SSA are not the only people in the world "destined" to abstinence, and it is their way of life against choice and desire.
And the possibility of committed monogamous relationships for heterosexuals is not a guarantee for them that such relationships will exist. Even if they do, this is also not a barrier to temptations, lust and other obvious sins. The choice is always there; evil desires will still take over with violent force, and you can give in to them in loneliness and despair, even in a God-sanctified marriage.
Thirdly, celibacy is not hell. By the way, in the 7th chapter of the 1st Epistle to the Corinthians, this is called a way of cultivating virtue and serving the Lord. In Protestant churches, unmarried shepherds confirm the commonly heard view that "something is wrong" with a Christian if he chooses to live without marriage. But from a biblical perspective, celibacy does not mean a life without close friendship, intimacy, and love.
In fact, it involves learning to feel and love as Christ Himself loved as a man who was not married. This may not be a spiritual practice that we would choose from the cosmic list if we had the opportunity, but it is actually something that any Christian is temporarily or even permanently able to choose for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven.
Carol noticed that even married people are encouraged to exercise self-control. Andrew argues that it may be difficult to accept life without sex, it is difficult to live like this, a depressing prospect, an unsatisfied desire, but it is possible and this is far from "doom". Monasticism is a choice everyone respects, but they know it's not a "panacea" for SSA or any other sin.
The Role of the Priesthood
Gregory said he would never confess to a priest who was "talking" from the pulpit about homosexuality. Andrew confesses to his parish priest, but not about the SSA. To do this, he goes to one nun. He said that if his priest asked about it, he would confess, but he would not open himself.
Despite the discomfort and fear, everyone with whom I spoke had a confessor who could be trusted. Some of them were parish priests, some were nuns, some were laymen. Establishing such a relationship is a risky step for a person with SSA, a step that, you know, is so scary to take.
It is clear that all priests are different and some may not be able to deal with SSA cases due to their own weaknesses. The priesthood must be aware that if someone from SSA visits their ward, they are there to be saved; otherwise, they would have gone somewhere else.
As Andrew said, “I'm not going to walk around the church waving rainbow flags. I'm not here to make political statements or change social policies. I just want to be respected by the members of this parish.”
A person with SSA is cautious and sensitive to everything, and trusts those priests who are aware that the priest's position towards SSA should be stated in personal conversations and sermons. And no one I talked to cared if their confessor had an SSA. The only thing that mattered was the human touch and spiritual advice.
Church
I asked if anyone felt the need to "open up" to members of their church. No one felt this necessity, and no one saw a reason why this should be done in front of the entire parish. In fact, it seemed to them imprudent and reckless. On the other hand, when I asked if they were afraid of being "rejected", none of them expressed concern about it.
I asked, "How can the church help people with SSA?" Because, ultimately, the burden of treating SSA falls not only on the shoulders of the priest, but on the shoulders of the entire church. Andrew put it this way: “I didn't really think about how the parish could help a gay person. I just wish the parishioners didn't treat me differently. Think of me as if I were straight. They have known me for 10 years. I do a lot for my parish. What could they tell me about this?”
Gregory drew attention to this point: “In our prayers before Holy Communion, we all confess ourselves to be the “prime sinner.” No one should look at another as if he were morally superior."
I think this idea is clear. We need to take the attitude that we are all standing at the foot of the Cross and waiting for mercy. The Church is the Body of Christ and should be the place where the pure love of God is found. No matter what passions a person struggles with, we need to be the Church, a place for the healing of sinners, a place where we can be healed, gain understanding and relationships that bring us closer to the Lord through love and compassion.
When all is said and done, the main problem we all face is loneliness and alienation. Loneliness is not a side of sexuality, but of sin. The cure for our alienation is in the Church, in the Body of Christ, in Christ.
The Church must be the Church: a place where humble love embraces the sick, the suffering, the mentally, spiritually and physically crippled, the outcasts, the lost and the lonely. In this embrace, she teaches what God's love is, transcending everything and healing everything that is destroyed by sin. Healing and same-sex attraction.
Names and historical details have been changed to protect the identities of the people mentioned in this article.
Hello, I am 16 years old.From the age of 12 I consider myself gay, even though I don’t want to at all. At the age of 15, he began to think, “maybe it’s enough to be turned on by men, you want a family and a girlfriend ...”
But no matter how I tried, I get turned on by men's bodies all the time.
I pray to God every day. I want to get rid of this with all my heart. I didn't have intercourse. Please give me advice on how to get rid of this horror ... ((( Hello Muhammad.
I understand how horrified you are.
And yet, now you are still at the age when the final sexual orientation has not yet settled down, and after that you can make changes. Often there are people who are excited by both men and women. If desired, they create families with a heterosexual partner, and limit their own homosexuality to fantasies.
The more energy and attention you devote to overcoming homosexuality, the more important this topic becomes for you. You feed her constantly.
I recommend that you now focus on the exact opposite topic. Find out which parts of the female body you like best. Start dating girls. If at the same time comparisons with men arise, then stop yourself. Just mentally tell yourself stop. No need to scold yourself for this, be afraid and so on. Just stop and move on to any other topic. You are the master of thoughts, and not vice versa.
If it is difficult on your own - seek advice.
Sincerely, Svetlana Osipova.
[email protected]
I am 16 years old. I want to stop being gay
Good afternoon.I can assume that the circle of your communication is more male than female. And men excite you, because you know them better, communicate with them more and see them more often. Perhaps there was some unpleasant experience in childhood that you vaguely remember or do not remember at all - when girls or women teased you or somehow offended you. Therefore, they are perceived more as a danger than a desirable object.
Start communicating with girls, not as objects of love, but simply as people. Watch them, how they move, what they are interested in, what positive qualities of character they have, what virtues. Think about what attracts you in men, maybe women also have it, albeit in a slightly different form. How do you see your role in sex - as an instigator or succumbed to temptation?
And the most important experience for you will be the first sex and the emotions that accompany it. If he is with women - gentle, passionate and fascinating, then the attraction to women will increase. If unsuccessful, then to men. Well, a successful experience with men can strengthen attraction to them. So be serious about who and how you will discover a new side of life.
Sincerely, Zavgorodnyaya Yulia
Modern scientists after numerous scientific studies have come to the conclusion that sexual behavior that does not fit into the framework of standard heterosexual monogamous relationships is a specific lifestyle. The mechanism of occurrence of this phenomenon does not have an unambiguous interpretation. There are no effective ways to prevent. Your erotic preferences are not a matter of conscious choice. Every person, and you too, is endowed with libido - a specific psychic energy - the energy of sexual desire, which has primarily an unconscious form. The choice of the object of libido in this way takes place on an unconscious level. The manifestation of same-sex love means the sexual attraction of an individual to individuals of the same sex and sexual relations between them, we are talking only about this side of human life, in which no one has the right to interfere with any orientation. In terms of other characteristics, except for the orientation of the libido, such people are no different from other people. This has been proven by numerous studies. Their behavioral manifestations are due to public opinion and the need to hide their peculiarity. In adolescence and early adolescence, the formation of a person takes place, his self-determination, including the choice of sexual preferences. No one can make this choice for you. Ambivalence, bisexuality, according to scientists, is inherent in the human being. Often, the role of a factor that determines orientation is played by what gender a person experiences an orgasm for the first time. If you haven't made up your mind yet, then you have a chance. Rejoice that there is still a choice, it is not given to every person. Perhaps you are not yet ready for such a serious step, in general for sexual relations. Believe me, a lot in a person's life depends on sexual satisfaction. The dissatisfaction of this vital need leads to the deterioration of the somatic and mental state. The sexual coloring of love relationships is due to the merging of a person’s need, which ultimately ensures the continuation of the family, and love, as the highest feeling, as the desire to be represented in someone, to be recognized. These are practically inseparable concepts. Sex is the logical conclusion of a sincere, warm relationship with a loved one, the result, an integral part of sincere feelings. If you have a feeling for a person, you will understand who you really need and the issue of orientation will be resolved. You may be attracted to people of the same gender. no information was written. In fact, everything related to the sexual sphere is in our heads. On purpose, according to our socially conditioned desire, we cannot want a person of a certain gender, our brain has already chosen that gender, gives the appropriate signal to the body - this is how we understand which orientation we belong to. Listen to your subconscious, try relationships with girls and, if you want, guys. So you can decide. You have nothing to be ashamed or afraid of, you are absolutely not to blame for anything, you owe nothing to anyone, you deserve respect, to be loved and happy in any case. No one is required to explain or justify anything. Your life is only yours. Each person is unique, feels this world in his own way, everyone has the right to live the way he wants, any choice you make is worthy of respect. Live the way you want, build your life according to your own ideas of happiness. Allow yourself to be happy. All the best to you. If you want to understand yourself in more detail - write to the chat, I will be happy to help. Don't forget to rate the answers.
Good afternoon. I was interested in your answer "Modern scientists after numerous scientific studies have come to the conclusion that sexual behavior ..." to the question http://www.. Can I discuss this answer with you?
Discuss with an expertOh sure. Go to any Christian church, especially outside the West. In Protestant, Catholic, Orthodox - everywhere you will be told many stories about how men stopped sleeping with men, and women with women. There are even movements something like "Christians are former gays."
Some commentators may start a broken record in the spirit of "but it's in the nature of man." The same record is played on the topic of husbands cheating on their wives, they say, polygamy is in human nature. And again, there are a host of Christian families where the husband is faithful to his wife and vice versa, there is the first kiss at the wedding and love to death.
There is no doubt that sexual preferences arise in a person because of his internal attitudes, his personal desires, and partly because of the environment. A person can quite control which path of desires to choose for himself. Someone indulges in all serious, and someone discovers that in the love of a man and a woman, and it is in a legal marriage, he will find complete happiness.
The most paradoxical thing is that this - the Christian view - is in a sense shared by the gay activists themselves. Because no one considers his love a consequence of exclusively animal instincts. No, they call it free choice, conscious and adult.
Of course, I understand that what I have said will cause a furious reaction from the gay community. But we are talking about facts, and the facts are that in the Christian churches there are many people who were gay or lesbian. as well as many of them who used to drink. smoked, or cheated on his wives, sometimes even referring to the "call of nature."
In today's world, the gay community is more of a political movement, advocating and lobbying for certain sexual behaviors.
By the way. It also has nothing to do with biology and science. The division into females and males in mammals is quite distinct.
A person can change his sexual behavior, that is, not having sex, or having sex with people to whom he is not attracted. A person can imitate the social aspect of his sexuality, can enter into fictitious marriage, give birth to children. This is the "choice", the degree of freedom available to people.
Questions sexual orientation are poorly understood, but modern research indicates the dominance of innateness (genetic and hormonal factors in fetal development) over other factors that affect sexual orientation. It is not known for certain whether sexual orientation can change, moreover, whether it can change at the request of a person.
Reply
The whole history of mankind until the advent of politically motivated "modern research" suggests that a person's sex life has always been just his sex life and that's it. Today, scientists are not so free in their conclusions, because they can lose their chair, grants, and be subject to obstruction for trying to take a more balanced view. People throughout the history of mankind freely entered into certain types of relationships, or were guided by self-restraint for the sake of marriage. This, of course, is connected with internal boundaries and morality within a person, but not so much as to consider all the adventures of a husband to the left, cheating on his wife, exclusively by his natural urges. The same example works for attempts to draw genetics into same-sex unions. Gays have no other genetics. These are people just like you and me.
Reply
Any research is carried out in a certain cultural and political context. Science took up the study of human sexuality only in the 20th century; conversations about sexual orientation began around the 50s. The available research is, if not contemporary, then recent. You should not treat them with disdain, because these are the first attempts to understand a person using scientific methods.
Science has recognized the existence of sexual orientation and homosexuality. The hypothesis about the predominant role of innateness ( genetic and hormonal fetal development factors) is now the most popular, nothing more.
Research can be found in the book "Gay, Straight, and the Reason Why: The Science of Sexual Orientation, Simon LeVay", all papers and studies can be found separately. In Russian, including about sexology, I.S. Con.
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